She Does The Sexy Intelligence

Working. Internetting. Repeat. This has been life lately. I have only caught glimpses of SexyTime and good times interacting with my friends and lover. What is a girl to do? I know, surf the internets for porn.

Check Twitter. It is like it was meant for me to see; this amateur style, ethereal Twitvid video link daring me to click it. Sovereign with her handy video camera effortlessly seduces you with a disarming beauty you rarely have the pleasure of experiencing. Her raw sexual energy pierces into you and swallows you up in her world of the art of erotic seduction. This kind of reaction is not typical, especially from me. There is something about her images and on screen appearance that, as a woman, get me. Her erotic images inspire me. It goes beyond cheesecake images that get me horny, my power as a woman is summoned. Her skillful erotic intelligence burns through in her photographs. On her Tumblr, she says, photographer J.M. Darling summons her various personalities, calling them out of her by name. GENIUS.

Picture by George Pitts via http://sovereignsyre.tumblr.com

Sovereign is an educated erotic model; she double majored in English Literature and Sociology with a minor in Psychology, emphasis in Forensic Psychology/Criminal Justice. She has a Master’s in Fine Art. Currently, she is training to be a Dominatrix, which she states, “is the only degree of real mastery”. Sovereign’s mastery at conveying erotic sensuality with intelligence and glamour is not what you see in mainstream porn, this is provocative art. The kind of art that captivates you, piercing its will inside you long after you glimpsed her images or videos.

You can find Sovereign on Tumblr by checking out her  Sans Jupe Diary of an Erotic Model. She is also at GodsGirls and on Twitter.

Twitter Mis-Understood

I am experiencing a Twitter identity crisis ya’ll. Twitter has been seducing me since January 2009 with its quick response and come hither influence. I got caught up quickly. So many hot Twitter chicks and only 140 characters between us. I did what I know, utilizing sexual influence to connect. The whole medium is set up for this behavior with its promise of influence and attention.

Sexual provocation is something I enjoy.  Do I go to an art opening and sit around saying suck my dick or show me your tits? No. I am making the conscience choice to use more discretion in what and how I share information on Twitter. Depending on the time or day when you check my stream, it is not clear to you that one day you will be sitting there among your colleagues or family and decide to check Twitter and there I would be in full vulgarity mode. You followed me because last you checked I was sharing my thoughts on art or social media or fashion or psychology.

Bottom line, it is about consistency and expectation. JasonX does a fantastic job consistently tweeting sexually explicit material. When you follow him you expect dirty tweets. Gpappalardo consistently tweets funny anecdotes about his life. His humor is expected. Me, I am all over the place; one moment, I tweet about social responsibility and the next moment I am tweeting how I am the Mayor of your mom’s vagina. I have had people in real life unfollow me because they met me at an opening and thought I was cool. They didn’t realize among their Saturday mornings or sleepless Fridays I would shove sexually provocative tweets down their streams. ACKWARD.

Highlighting how I plan to share on Twitter material that is NSFW (not safe for work).

• I love porn and the porn stars that make it. I like to share some of these porn tidbits. I will put the word PORN in front of those tweets that I share with explicit material. Example:   Porn | RT: @(pornstar) check out this new footage that cherry and me just shot.
• I am a supporter of sex education.   Example: SexEd | use spit not lube when fucking like a porn star.

If you followed me because you thought I am just the dirty or funny or nerdy girl you needed up in your stream; realize I am all those things and more. I don’t fit in a box and will use better discretion going forward. However keep in mind, behind your computer screen, in the real world, I am wearing that crown of being the Mayor of Your Mom’s vagina with pride.

This Is What Happens When You Accidentally Kill Your Blog

The blog and all it’s gadget toting, foodie eating, and SexyTime educating content is gone. What did StealingKitty learn? She learned that investing time and energy in learning the HTML language and technical aspects that go along with blogging is a must now. That when in doubt NEVER and I mean NEVER choose the replace option unless you have a good backup. Keep back up files of all your entries on your local computers drive. Also, do not decide to revamp your entire blogsite in a hurry because you feel you MUST. This is not my first rodeo as a blogger and I am ashamed that I decided in a moment to press the wrong button knowing I never backed any of my content up.

There is no other option but to accept the reality that I fucked up and turn this into a new start for StealingKitty. I am going to re-write a couple of entries about my experiences on the town and SexyTime. I used to have a successful blog years ago. All of the entries I tucked away on my computers drive. That content was more thoughtful, thought provoking and the 3-year journey that changed me in a way that was permanent. I have over a 1,000 pieces of writing from that blog time in my life. I choose some key entries that marked real change for me that I have posted here with the tag, ‘findingneverland’.

I have decided to create a section of my blog for reviews, where I will keep all of my reviews of hot spots and restaurants in Dallas. I am going to keep my new and improved SexyTime series in a separate section with a warning to viewers that it contains sexually explicit content. I plan to get down and dirty with my bad self.

This is a new start and a new look. I hope you follow along my journey in life’s rich pageant.

Surrender Concept

I find this possibility alluring if nothing else. The closest I have ever had, were glimpses at a truth I failed to fully surrender to. I had will if nothing else, right?

I am recently thinking of no will, complete surrender. You know the kind, that in the face of such fear, you have no choice but to surrender your will to it. It had me thinking, where would that take me? I mean where would I end up? Could I take it? I mean, hell, I am STEEL if nothing else, how does a steel girl, surrender? You guessed it, takes a badass motherfucker I would imagine to help me surrender this will I covet. And yet I rise, baby, with this thought everyday.

I have surrendered unto myself completely. I know, all the identities that lie within. Deep inside. I know myself in ways, I forget. I know that I can cry, but don’t do it honestly. I know I can feel pain, but don’t feel it honestly. I lie. I cheat. Myself mostly. But sometimes the people that love me. And that is a pain, I hold deep inside, because somewhere along the line, I stopped trying to please everyone in my life who wanted me to be something I am no longer able to be. My friends, my family, only those that read this sparingly have glimpsed into the me this whole year. Not because they haven’t tried, because I have failed to listen anymore. I am sick of what I had become. I am ready for what I am to be. Just a lump of clay. Needing the hot fire to burn me into this exquisite piece of art I have waited to be for so long.

How do you practice a surrender you never allow yourself to do, let alone live? You train, you train your mind, you train your body and you train your heart, to withstand whatever is to become of this journey. In meditation, I learn about the deep secrets I dare not utter but know they are there. Whispering silent promises and broken dreams. I hear them. When I am still and face that fear. Leaves me comfortably numb to live out the day. And then, one day, something hits you and you know it came for a reason. This is no fucking season. This is something that calls to your subconscious, as it was there the whole time. FUCK. And you never heard it before, a foreigner in the mix. Freaks you totally out. Or… well never mind… it doesn’t matter what I am talking about really.

Tell me… if you had an opportunity to completely surrender… would you? And if you did, would you hold back for a minute?

Confessions of a Paranoid Asshole

This isn’t what you may be thinking. The reality is I cannot shit in unfamiliar surroundings. I could have cramps of mammoth badass motherfucken shit proportions, but if I am not at home my asshole revolts. It is like my asshole has this eyeball that pops out to ensure the throne upon which suspends it, is one that is familiar.

You have no idea how difficult this affliction is when your girlfriend lives 50 miles away. She will cook these elaborate meals and afterward my stomach will give me the signal. There I will be sitting with my assholes eyeball bulged out, screaming, “NO MOTHERFUCKER, IT IS NOT SAFE, RUN!” It scares the shit all the way back up to my intestines where it waits for the “all clear”. This “all clear” sometimes begins prematurely. It begins when I just make my way over the bridge before my exit. I begin the manic sphincter squeezing, praying, “please Lord, please let me make it home…”. If I happen to stop at the gas station at the corner before home, as a precaution, there goes that eyeball and the revolt immediately. You cannot fool my paranoid asshole. It should have been a secret service agent used for secret missions abroad.

I wish I were free to shit when the urge moved me. I wish my asshole didn’t have this paranoid retractable eyeball. This is my reality and my life, no matter how my stomach retracts, shit ain’t coming out of my asshole unless I am home. The horror of it all people. Pray for me.

So You Think You Can Blog – Make You A Lesbian

This is an entry for a contest I wrote in 2006:

It is time to MAKE YOU a lesbian. I find that being a lesbian reaches farther than choice and sexual ecstasy, it reaches into the depths of your woman-ness and commands you to be the most authentic you that is possible… WOMAN POWER RAW.

Think about it for a moment, who wouldn’t want to come home to this type of treatment on the daily? Not to mention, all the woman bonding you have with your girlfriends can transform into a deeper and more meaningful connection with your “girlfriend”. You don’t have to “perform” to be together, you can just be YOU, the real you that you are when you hang with your sister girls.

Then, there is the aspect of exploring your masculine side. This is where you explore what it is like to be genderless. Many up and coming lesbians go thru this phase of wonderment. Coming out of this phase, I call receiving your “butch wings”. Doesn’t mean that you come out being more masculine, it means, you discover more authentically what that masculine side means to the core of you. We all possess both within ourselves, whether you have been willing to explore it fully or not.

It the rules of lesbian etiquette, there are all sorts of rules of persuasion to find the right mate and keep her. I implore you to never listen to rules of etiquette, least you be sitting home alone many a night. Go after what you want and take the girls by surprise. It is empowering to surprise the girl of your dreams with a swift kiss and then a wave of goodbye. Live by the golden rule of lesbianism…. GIRLS ALWAYS WANT WHAT THEY CANT HAVE.

Another wonderful aspect of being a lesbian is that you get a girls night every night. Spoiling facials, skin conditioning baths, manicures, pedicures, the list goes on. All those things you love to do with your sister girlfriends can now be done with the love your life… your girlfriend. I realize that all the dykes out there are in revolt. Just remember not every woman wants to play softball, some enjoy the softer side of life. Your shoe wardrobe doubles, hell if you are lucky your wardrobe doubles. You have a fantastic mate that you can do all things with and still fall asleep satisfied.

You want to talk, we want to listen. You want to cry, we have a shoulder. You need help around the house; we have the tool belt, skill and desire to help. You want to stay a woman, trust me; you will be more of a woman with the woman of your dreams than you could ever be with the man of your dreams. The fairytale books didn’t cover girl on girl action, it covered the man saving the woman. Do you need saving? Are you waiting with your sister girlfriends for your prince? Take a look around you, they are the ones that always knew you never needed saving. Take back your womanpower and be lesbian. Just one taste and I promise you will like it. POWER TO THE PUSSY!!

The Thing About Bagels, when you live rurally

I enjoy the peace that rural living offers for now. Don’t get me wrong. I am a city girl in my soul. But I needed this break from it all FOR NOW. See, the thing I hate most about rural living, is the convenience of a grocer that actually has some shit a city girl like me would buy.

If anything, I am a grocery snob. Oh! how I miss Central Market, Whole Foods, and Eatzi’s. Hell, even a motherfucking Tom Thumb would be nice. NO! I have the Nazi grocer who DOES NOT allow you to bag your groceries, nor can you walk out of the place without some fucking Nazi representative. And no, you can’t tip the poor soul that tried to chit chat your pissed off ass to the car to load your groceries and bring back the motherfucking Nazi cart. NOPE. Well, I can, but only because that Nazi grocer now realizes, back the fuck off, if I have to knife you, I will, because GOD help me I am walking out of this motherfucking store the same I way I came in, without a Nazi helper.

My roommate and I ran up to the closest grocer to our house. The good ol’ country grocer. The place where if you actually purchased the meat there, well fuck, you definitely would get sick and die at some point soon in your life. I didn’t want to go. I hate that fucking store. It sucks balls. I am in there begrudgingly, sifting through the icky icky poo poo of it all. And it comes time to get the bagels. Just to be clear, ya’ll know what bagels are right? I mean fuck if I never knew someone that did not know what the hell a bagel was or ever tried one in their howl life. I had given up and just wanted to run screaming out of that store. At check out, we were not satisfied about the mysteriously missing bagels from the shelves. Here is the telling conversation:

Irritaged Bitch: hey, where are your bagels?
Martha: Yeah, I didn’t see them on the bread isle
Melba (store Nazi): Bagals! I don’t know if we carry them Bagals, Julie, you know anything about Bagals.
Julie (other store Nazi): Bagals! I know we used to have them in frozen.
Irritated Bitch: You don’t carry fresh ones
Julie (other store Nazi) Oh no honey the didn’t sell
Melba (store Nazi): We carried Bagals?
Melba (over loud speaker): Jimmy come up here please
Martha to Irritated Bitch: Honey I don’t think they have any bagels
Irritated Bitch: Wait Jimmy is coming, he might have some answers
Martha: ohhhhkay
Melba (store Nazi): Bagals, do you know if we still have any of them Bagals?
Jimmy: BAGALS! You are asking the wrong person, I don know nothin about Bagals.
Melba & Julie: Sorry honey we don’t have Bagals
Martha to Irritated Bitch: honey they don’t have any bagels

OMG! I almost pee’d myself. We laughed all the way home saying “BAGALS, we don have any BAGALS”.  Rural living is hoot if nothing else. Make sure, you get your bagels in the city as chances are you won’t have any luck at the country grocer.

Sexual Orientation: Is it a Choice?

There are widespread misconceptions among heterosexuals about those who are not 100% heterosexual. The question that each heterosexual needs to ask is, “Did I choose to be turned on by the opposite sex, or did it just happen?”  For almost all of us, sexual arousal happens completely outside the control of our conscious minds. Consciously we do not choose to be aroused by one sex or another.  Few would choose to receive the ostracism and the hatred of others that so often come with not being heterosexual. Gay men and lesbians do choose to act or not act on that sexual arousal. Most gay men and lesbians go through a period where they try to become “normal” with attempts at (1)heterosexual acts (with more or less success) and/or (2)heterosexual relationships, often including marriage and children. Most have tried to become straight, and therefore they know by experience the absurdity of those who say that the goal ought to be to make them straight.

I know for me personally, I was always attracted to the same sex; however, I fell in love with a man whom I married. I was content and monogamous in my marriage for 5 years. That is not to say, that my internal attraction to the same sex ceased. However, societal pressures as well as family objectives, kept me from allowing myself to partake of the forbidden fruit. It was 5 years after my divorce that I finally allowed myself to fully experience a lesbian relationship. My mother had just died and in her death I felt the freedom to be the me I always felt internally. It wasn’t this grand epiphany; it was more like being seated in myself for the first time publicly.  Am I still attracted to men? Not in an intimate way.

Sexual Orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to another person. It is easily distinguished from other components of sexuality including biological sex, gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female) and the social gender role (adherence to cultural norms for feminine and masculine behavior). Sexual orientation exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive homosexuality to exclusive heterosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality. Bisexual persons can experience sexual, emotional and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex. Persons with a homosexual orientation are sometimes referred to as gay (both men and women) or as lesbian (women only). Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Persons may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors.

So, is sexual orientation a choice? There are numerous theories about the origins of a person’s sexual orientation; most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, sexual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person’s sexuality. In summary, it is important to recognize that there are probably many reasons for a person’s sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people.

In other words, sexuality is complicated and our choices are unconscientious. In the dark, blindfolded, would you be able to discriminate if a man or woman was touching you? Would your libido? Trust me, pretty much you would not. My preference for women, does not equate to me not enjoying intimacy with men. However, for various intrinsic reasons, that is not a conscience choice I care to exercise.

Research has found that the people who have the most positive attitudes toward gay men, lesbians and bisexuals are those who say they know one or more gay, lesbian or bisexual person well—often as a friend or co-worker. For this reason, psychologists believe negative attitudes toward gay people as a group are prejudices that are not grounded in actual experiences but are based on stereotypes and prejudice.

Furthermore, protection against violence and discrimination is very important, just as it is for other minority groups. Some states include violence against an individual on the basis of his or her sexual orientation as a “hate crime” and 10 U.S. states have laws against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

We as a people in a civilized society should join together and help educate our peers on this topic. Educating all people about sexual orientation and homosexuality is likely to diminish anti-gay prejudice. Accurate information about homosexuality is especially important to young people who are first discovering and seeking to understand their sexuality—whether homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.

If someone in your family “came out” to you and let you know that they were gay/lesbian/transgenered/bisexual, do you feel you would treat them differently than you had in the past and why?

Integral Truth

I had this perfect little stone, I would carry in my pocket or I would just hold. Like it was my only ability to feel. The slippery groove that my thumb made. As if holding onto or pushing away would help this feeling that grew deep inside of me. I was lost. Oh, that is for sure. I wanted to prove something real, find some truth in that stone. All I wanted was to feel it, to rub until the truth unveiled some reality that I could say was valid.

All I found were surrealist’s dreams I carved out. It was when I put that stone down, when I finally walked away from the created dream that I found out what was real. What was valid? My truth. It is not some truth that belongs to anyone but me or maybe on some level someone like you. I don’t know. I think like this, if any truth I utter, speaks to you some dormant truth, grab it and make it yours. Share it with someone else, and respect whatever truth transpires from that pliable truth that continues to shape and form into some glorious sculpted unique utterance that is universal.

I don’t necessarily know what I am saying. It is just flowing through me lately. I feel so connected to something bigger than me. I feel you, I suppose; your electronic voices, everyday, telling me something compelling. Fuck, telling us all something, Real and valid, truth. My life has been fragmented in so many ways that the worlds best puzzle piecers could not have completed the puzzle. And no, this puzzle is still scrambled. Some pieces jammed in just out of shear frustration because the colors and shape sort of matched. Shit is not perfect, but it is coming together people. Or not. Or maybe undone. Maybe the fucking puzzle stop existing and it was all an illusion anyway.

No one told me living died, passion lied, and now I find myself a refugee thinking I was lost at sea. I got that message in a bottle all on my own, in silence, beneath the screams, in the underbelly of humanity. And fuck if the message wasn’t clear. Somehow the words are smeared and the tears fell amongst the fear. But there is a light in the darkness that I can’t find. I know it all seems dark and it all seems unlike I see it, because in the darkness, in the alone, I am there, with my smile, ready for what it offers.

It is my fascination with fear, my ability to seek out the secrets, or just maybe I am fool. I like the dark, I like the pain, and sometimes, just only in the quiet, it whispers out, “shhhhhh don’t tell”. If I had a secret I promise it would be a good one, but I forgot the point that began this clank of my keyboard. That’s a lie, and you know it. I know the point; the point is make it count people. Make your life count. Hold it close and open yourself up the miracle that the journey unveils in the silence beyond the screams, in the underbelly and come up and kiss the humanity that surrounds you.

Breathe… slowly…. feels good right?

Core Values Tapestry

‘Integrity, Morality, Honor, Justice, Peace, Humanity’; I feel those integrating in my conscience, given my recent revelations. What do I make of those words, the words that have been so absent in my life in way of practice and being? I do value those words. Value them despite my own self.  Mark Halfon’s theory, published in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, on defining integrity in terms of moral purpose embodies what I want to be truer in my life:

“Embrace a moral point of view that urges them to be conceptually clear, logically consistent, apprised of relevant empirical evidence, and careful about acknowledging as well as weighing relevant moral considerations. Persons of integrity impose these restrictions on themselves since they are concerned, not simply with taking any moral position, but with pursuing a commitment to do what is best.” (Halfon 1989)

My integrity in terms of my moral purpose is to create a sense of family that is inclusive of everyone. I sit and wonder, why? Why can’t we all just get along? Cliché, maybe, more like wishing for something more. The reality is that sometimes, the people in your family hurt you more than any of us would tolerate from anyone outside those walls. LOVE must be why we hurt the one’s we love the most. What may be truer is it is all we know; that to love someone is to hurt them or choose the dysfunction of hurting each other. I think we learn hate in our families. Someone recently said something to me that struck me as honest, “don’t tell me you love me, until you know what hate is”. Initial reaction renders you uncomfortable, it’s like you reject an obvious reality, the yin/yang of life. I have thought about that statement ever since it was made. I wrote my version of that statement:

“Don’t tell me you love me, until you know what hate is. Simply done, not uncommon, but not found. In the simplicity of synchronicity, the duplicity, of knowing something that is hate, the thing we create, experiencing the pain, allowing it to run over your like a train, removing the memory from your brain, somehow still connecting to what is real. We all know how to deal, the reality of the hate. Tell me you love me, with knowing what hate is vulnerable, the teardrop said to the sky, and it is I, it is I.”.

I think my integral morality, is founded in family because it was something I craved growing up. Truth, I was writing explicit porn at age 7 and had a small following in the little ghetto flats that stood before the burnt pine forest, until one day, my brother got a copy. No more porn peddling for me. Damn the man. Immediately, I do think of sex when thinking of the human condition and it’s existence, especially my own. Maybe some defunct morality I caught on my way to truth, Justice and surreal dream unknown. It is either that or getting back on this damn Effexor XR is making me horny. Be warned, Effexor XR is an excellent mood regulator, but it is like, “you are all ready to go, but can’t cum”. A person could put an eye out if they weren’t highly skilled. And yes, my eyeball hurts a little and I am in fact wearing an eye patch.

I think relating to others on an intimate level sexually, holds a lot of truth about your own nature. You know, that primal encoded nature. One thing is for sure; my integrity as it relates to sex and my sexual body, is seated firmly. Or at least I have been known to dabble in Shakta Tantra every now and then. Which somehow distorts and turns more into something resembling Neopaganism. Instead of harnessing the energy for some whacked-out deity, I have used it for my own pleasure or charms, whatever works, right? Crimes of the flesh, we have all been there on some level. To actually practice the Shakta with integrity, well, that would be the Quan wouldn’t it?! I think so. That is a beautiful practice and maybe puts into perspective my point, which is that our sexual bodies contain energy and information that is key to our nature.