There are widespread misconceptions among heterosexuals about those who are not 100% heterosexual. The question that each heterosexual needs to ask is, “Did I choose to be turned on by the opposite sex, or did it just happen?”  For almost all of us, sexual arousal happens completely outside the control of our conscious minds. Consciously we do not choose to be aroused by one sex or another.  Few would choose to receive the ostracism and the hatred of others that so often come with not being heterosexual. Gay men and lesbians do choose to act or not act on that sexual arousal. Most gay men and lesbians go through a period where they try to become “normal” with attempts at (1)heterosexual acts (with more or less success) and/or (2)heterosexual relationships, often including marriage and children. Most have tried to become straight, and therefore they know by experience the absurdity of those who say that the goal ought to be to make them straight.

I know for me personally, I was always attracted to the same sex; however, I fell in love with a man whom I married. I was content and monogamous in my marriage for 5 years. That is not to say, that my internal attraction to the same sex ceased. However, societal pressures as well as family objectives, kept me from allowing myself to partake of the forbidden fruit. It was 5 years after my divorce that I finally allowed myself to fully experience a lesbian relationship. My mother had just died and in her death I felt the freedom to be the me I always felt internally. It wasn’t this grand epiphany; it was more like being seated in myself for the first time publicly.  Am I still attracted to men? Not in an intimate way.

Sexual Orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to another person. It is easily distinguished from other components of sexuality including biological sex, gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female) and the social gender role (adherence to cultural norms for feminine and masculine behavior). Sexual orientation exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive homosexuality to exclusive heterosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality. Bisexual persons can experience sexual, emotional and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex. Persons with a homosexual orientation are sometimes referred to as gay (both men and women) or as lesbian (women only). Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Persons may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors.

So, is sexual orientation a choice? There are numerous theories about the origins of a person’s sexual orientation; most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, sexual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person’s sexuality. In summary, it is important to recognize that there are probably many reasons for a person’s sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people.

In other words, sexuality is complicated and our choices are unconscientious. In the dark, blindfolded, would you be able to discriminate if a man or woman was touching you? Would your libido? Trust me, pretty much you would not. My preference for women, does not equate to me not enjoying intimacy with men. However, for various intrinsic reasons, that is not a conscience choice I care to exercise.

Research has found that the people who have the most positive attitudes toward gay men, lesbians and bisexuals are those who say they know one or more gay, lesbian or bisexual person well—often as a friend or co-worker. For this reason, psychologists believe negative attitudes toward gay people as a group are prejudices that are not grounded in actual experiences but are based on stereotypes and prejudice.

Furthermore, protection against violence and discrimination is very important, just as it is for other minority groups. Some states include violence against an individual on the basis of his or her sexual orientation as a “hate crime” and 10 U.S. states have laws against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

We as a people in a civilized society should join together and help educate our peers on this topic. Educating all people about sexual orientation and homosexuality is likely to diminish anti-gay prejudice. Accurate information about homosexuality is especially important to young people who are first discovering and seeking to understand their sexuality—whether homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.

If someone in your family “came out” to you and let you know that they were gay/lesbian/transgenered/bisexual, do you feel you would treat them differently than you had in the past and why?